I Think I'm Ready
by IAmCertainlyMMAD
Summary: Olivia is ready to tell Elliot what happened in sealview.


I think im ready.

a/n- first SVU e/o fanfic. That's not humorous. Bare with me. R&R please!

Olivia looked up from her desk, a desperate, yearning look.  
Desperate for reality, for compassion. There was so much sorrow and suffering in this case.  
She needed a conversation, that didn't involve the perpetrator or the victims.  
She needed to un-glue her eyes from the files, and pictures of all the victims.  
Humanity. She needed humanity. She needed some kind of happiness.  
Some kind of light to shine on her morbid mentality.  
"You okay?"  
There it was, his voice. His voice was her light, her happiness, her humanity.  
When she heard his voice, she suddenly felt soothed. "Olivia? You okay"  
She looked up at him, eyes glossy, "Ah, yeah," her voice hitched.  
"You sure? You seem off lately," his voice sincere.  
Olivia knew this would be the perfect time to open up to Elliot, tell him everything that happened in that basement.  
She was overwhelmed with confusion. What the hell was she supposed to do?  
She couldn't bare to see him incriminate himself, it was the farthest thing from being 'his fault'  
But if she would wait too long, and finally tell him, he would be disappointed in her for not telling him sooner.  
She would have to explain everything, which would mean almost having to go through it again, only this time, he would be there to comfort her as she relived her awful memory. He was her best friend, her partner, and the longest relationship she's ever had with a man. He deserved to know.  
"...Liv. Olivia?"  
She glanced up at him, pulled away from her thoughts, "Hm? What."  
"I said are you sure, you've been a little off lately."  
"Elliot, there **is**something," she looked down then back up only to lock her eyes on his.  
They changed, his eyes went from questioning, to concerned in a matter of seconds, "What is it Liv? I'm listening."  
He walked around to the front of her desk, got a chair, and pulled it to sit right next to her, "I'm here."

_Deep breaths, Liv. Deep breaths. Do it._  
She inhaled deeply, and finally started, keeping her eyes locked on the ground.  
"Well, of course you know that I was undercover at Sealview," _Deep breaths, Liv. Come on._, "Elliot, while I was there..."  
She looked up, his expression full of confusion and worry. Her head dropped to look at the floor again.  
"Liv, what the hell happened?" He was concerned.  
_Okay, here it goes. Now, Olivia. NOW._  
"I had no choice but to act like a real felon, so I was treated like one. When I first got there, in the exercise courtyard, the one guard knocked over a basketball rack and told me to pick them up. I had to listen, I wasn't about to be isolated. He watched me as I was picking them up," _it's going to be fine. it's going to be fine._, "He was always, staring at me, watching me as I did things. I thought it was him, I was positive it was him." Olivia voice cracked, she cleared her throat abruptly. "I was waiting to get my shot, for the disease, he just walked up to me and said 'You're coming with me, come on.' I stood my ground, said we had a right to know if there was any kind of outbreak. Then some of the other inmates started a riot. The other guards came and he cuffed me and pinned me on the table. I couldn't do anything." She cleared her throat. Elliot thought she was just going to stop there, she waited to start again for what seemed like forever.  
"Liv, you can always tell me to__," she stopped him before he could even finish his sentence.  
"Captain Harris came over, asked who started it. He shoved me right in front of the bastard. Said I had to go to 'the hall'. He pulled me through the hallways, practically shoved me down the steps. I'd never been to the hall before I had no idea, even slightly, of what it was. I knew where he'd taken me wasn't it though. When we got to the bottom of the steps, there was a mattress."

"Olivia?" Elliot's voice suddenly softened and he choked.  
She started to tear, "Let me finish. Please, El," she clenched her eyes shut, reliving it in her head, causing her tears to now burst out.  
Elliot knew something had happened. Olivia had gotten hurt, and he wasn't there to protect her. He was overwhelmed with guilt, something had happened. He needed to get Olivia to stop crying, he needed to find out exactly what happened in 'the hall.'  
"It's okay," he put his hand mildly on her shoulder, squeezing as a sign of comfort, "Liv, take your time." She pulled her shoulder towards him slightly, waiting to see if she would resist, she didn't pull back, so he pulled her into a warm embrace. Elliot wrapped his arms all the way around Olivia's body, rubbing her back, gently caressing her hair, reassuring her over and over that he was there, it was okay, and she could take all the time in the world to tell him.

That warm embrace was exactly what she needed, not a guilty Elliot. Not an angry Elliot. A reassuring, warm, concerned Elliot.  
Olivia talked into Elliot's neck, "I'm getting your shirt wet."  
"It's okay." Regardless she removed her self from the hug, and kept on telling the rest of her story. She didn't care that her face was flush, eyes were puffy, voice was heavy. She had to finish telling Elliot what happened. She started where she left off, "...There was a mattress..."

"He told me to shut up. Do as I was told," Olivia turned her head to the side, away from Elliot, "He grabbed my face, that's how he threw me down on the bed."

Elliot interrupted, "Olivia," Liv looked over at him, "That son of a bitch raped you?" There was fire in Elliot's eyes.

"Let me finish, Elliot, please." She hung her head low, "He threw me on the bed, I started to scream, I was cuffed, I couldn't do much. I'd never been more afraid, even through all of the crap i've been through and have seen, i've never been more afraid. All i could do is scream." Olivia stopped, her body heaved, and she let herself breakdown once more in front of Elliot. He surrounded her hands with his, holding them, reassuring her. Olivia continued with her hands locked in his.

"I jumped up from the bed as fast as I could in those cuffs, he caught me and threw me down again. This time I wasnt as fast at getting up, it took me a few tries to hop up. He had already undone his belt. Now he had me pinned against the wall, my back to him," Elliot's face cringed with disgust, the thought of a man doing something horrible as this to Olivia. "He uncuffed me, i lashed out and ran. I heard him yelling, knocking things over, telling me to come out and it would be fine. I'm not stupid, i knew what he was trying to do. I stayed where i was. I heard him getting closer, I panicked, i couldn't go anywhere else. I was cornered."

_Where the hell was Fin in all of this. He was supposed to be protecting her. Damnit, if I were there this wouldnt have happened!_

"I saw the light from his flashlight, he found me. I stood up, he struck me in my thigh, then in the back of my legs, making me fall to my knees..."

_Oh god, Liv! He didnt make you? Damnit, how could that bastard hurt Olivia?!_

"I elbowed him right in his groin and ran towards another gate i saw. It was locked, and i was trapped..."

_Please stop, I can't hear the rest. I cant bare to see you fall apart._. If only Olivia could read Elliot's thoughts.

This, this is where she lost all composure. This is where it all almost happened. The part to her story that she dreaded most. Where she came so close to being a rape victim. This is where she lost all composure...

"He hit me straight across the face and I dropped. I felt so weak, so helpless, so finished," Elliot got up and grabbed a box of tissues off of his desk. He rubbed Olivia's back, rubbed her neck, her shoulders, hugged her, comforted her. Nothing made her stop crying at this point, "I'm sorry Elliot." She managed to say through her heaving. Elliot's face twisted.  
_Sorry? SHE'S sorry? He's the one that's sorry. This was HIS fault._  
"Liv, listen. There is nothing to be sorry about, okay? Do you hear me, you don't have to be sorry for anything."  
_Elliot was the sorry one. Sorry for Olivia, what she went through, how it affected her. Sorry that Fin wasn't there for her like he would have been. Sorry that he wasn't the one t sealview with Olivia. He was the one that was sorry._

"Elliot," her breathing still uneven, Olivia managed to heave out, "I need to finish. I need to."  
Elliot shook his head, "No Olivia, I can put two and two together, I know what happens next. I can't let you finish because I don't want to hear what comes next from you. I can't Olivia."

Her breathing still fluctuating, she knew she had to finish, she couldn't let Elliot assume she was raped. She couldn't let Elliot think that Fin wasn't there for her. He saved her, and he had to know that. She went on, "Elliot, I wasn't raped."

Confounded: adj. Perplexed by many conflicting situations or statements; filled with bewilderment.

It's amazing how one sentence can sum up how someone is feeling. Elliot was just that, confounded. Perplexed. Bewildered. Watching Olivia break down, hearing her story, knowing what would usually come next, she had said she wasn't raped. His mind was boggled. Elliot couldn't even form a sentence, of course he was thankful she wasn't raped, it eased him. But what was he thankful for? Why wasn't Olivia raped? What made him stop? All this ran through Elliot's head faster than the speed of sound.

"Elliot?" Olivia's voice broke his train of thought, "did you hear me? I said I wasn't raped."  
"Yeah, I did. I heard you. Liv, everything you said, everything that was happening, what made him stop? You and I both know what should have come next, and its amazing that it didn't, but what the hell happened?" His eyes locked on his. His eyes were oceans, so blue and crystal, Olivia drowned in them.  
"Fin. Fin made him stop." Elliots eyes widened to her words.

"Fin? … How?" Elliot's expression was puzzled.

Olivia now took her hands out of Elliot's grasp and placed hers over top of his, reassuring him now, "I was on the ground, cuffed to the gate. He unzipped his pants__"

"Liv, I know you weren't raped. You already told me. You don't have to keep going."

"Yes I do Elliot, you should know how close I was. You should know that if Fin hadn't gotten there when he did, I would have been a victim in a matter of seconds. You need to know that you don't have to beat yourself up for not being there, because Fin saved me." She smiled through her tears.

Elliot's words were barely even a whisper, "Okay, keep going."

Olivia nodded and continued, "He unzipped his pants, and pulled it out of his boxers. I turned my head in the opposite direction and screamed hoping someone, anyone would hear me. I heard him say 'If you bite it you're dead.' I wanted to throw up." Just the thought of it made Olivia sick to her stomach, "I heard the door open, then I heard Fin's voice yelling 'Let her go!' He said I tried to escape, Fin said 'and you had to drop your pants to stop her." Olivia cleared her throat before ending her story, "I got up, I told him he was under arrest for the rape of Ashley Tyler. His face when I said that, he was so scared, so shocked."

She was so relieved, she had finally told Elliot. She was so grateful he understood, and was so comforting. Olivia smiled through her crying, "I'm okay Elliot," she laughed, "Fin saved me. I'm okay."

"I know Liv, I know," Elliot hugged Olivia the tightest he's every hugged anyone, he whispered in her ear, "don't ever go undercover without me again, okay?"

Although Elliot sounded demanding, and as much as Olivia hated when he told her what she could and could not do, she knew exactly where he was coming from when he said that. She broke away from the hug, sunk into the depths of his ocean eyes. Olivia brought her hand up to Elliot's face gently enough to just slightly brush his cheek, "Okay."


End file.
